- The Flooding Smile
Don’t smile immediately. Look at a person face for a second. Pause. Soak in their persona. Let a big, warm, responsive smile flood over my face. Spilt-second delay convinces people my flooding smile is genuine and exclusive for them.
- Sticky Eyes
Pretend my eyes are glued to the lips of person speaking. If I must look away, do so slowly.
- Epoxy Eyes
No matter who’s talking, keep looking at the person I want to make impact.
- Chest up, shoulders back
Perfect posture is the key to appear confident.
- Big-Baby Pivot
Treat people as big babies “ I think you are very, very special! “
- Hello Old Friend
Treat people as my old long-lost friends.
- Stop Fidgeting
Let my nose itch, my ear tingle, my foot prickle. Do not fidget, wiggle, twitch, squirm or scratch. Keep my hands away from my face.
- Dual Sense
Express myself and keep an eye on how my listener is reacting.
- Visualize the Scene
Visualize myself walking around with chest up, shoulders back, shaking hands, flooding smile, stick eyes and dual sense. Do so in a quiet and tranquil environment. Noisy and distracting places do not work.
- Match mood
Match the mood and tone of people, if even for a moment.
- Empathy and Passion over Content
No matter how smart the content, empathetic and passionate delivery makes me sound exciting.
- Always wear “What’s that’?
Whenever I go, wear something strange, unusual that will make people approach “I couldn’t help but notice your … What’s that?’
- Ask “Who’s that?”
If I don’t know someone, approach the host and ask for introduction or a few facts to turn into icebreaker.
- Eavesdrop In
If the person is in a group conversation and I cannot find a host, stand near them and eavesdrop. Wait for the signal to jump in with Excuse me, I couldn’t help but overhear…
- Never Naked City
Don’t give direct answer on where I am from. Give some clever response ‘I’m from the land of pagodas.’
- Never Naked Job
Don’t give direct answer on what I do. Give some clever response ‘I help people leverage technology in business and their personal lives’.
- Never Naked Introduction
Don’t let the people figure out each other. It’s my job to pave a road for their conversation.
- Word Detective
Listen to every word for clues to their preferred topics.
- Put them in Limelight
The longer I keep the spotlight away from me, the more interesting people find me.
- Parroting
Simply repeat last few words people say (especially when the conversation is dying)
- Encore
Shine the spotlight on people in front of crowds. Ask them to tell about the time they performed well.
- Hide Negative in the Closet
Save negativity for later. Accentuate the positives when I first meet people.
- Go Grab News
Don’t leave for party or small talks without scanning news first.
- Don’t ask ‘What do you do?’
It’s a cliche. Instead ask, ‘How do you spend most of your time?’
- Dynamic Resume
Just as I tweak my resume for different jobs, tweak my verbal resume for different contexts.
- Personal Thesaurus
Look up some common words I use everyday. Swap with rich, creative and powerful vocabs.
- Kill ‘Me Too!’
The longer I wait to reveal the similarity the more moved and impressed the person will be. Don’t wait too long as well, else I can appear as tricky.
- Comm-YOU-nication
‘You’ is more powerful and striking than same 3-lettered word ‘Sex’. Whenever, I say ‘you’ it pushes the pride button of the people. Could you please tell me where the ATM is?
- Exclusive Smile
Adjust the intensity of my smile. Reserve big smile for big people.
- Avoid Cliche
Especially when chatting with big winners.
- Make ‘em Rhyme, Clever, Funny
Employ different tones, pace and expressions. Harness the power of pauses (silence).
- Call a Spade a Spade
Don’t hide behind euphemisms. Call a circle a circle. Big winners speak plain and clear.
- Trash Teasing
Avoid humor that comes with someone’s expense.
- See through Their Eyes
Deliver the news considering how they will receive it, not how I feel about it.
- Dodge Unwelcomed Questions
Repeat the same answer in same tone, when I feel the question is unwelcomed or invasive. Hearing the same response will usually stop the rude interrogator.
- Don’t compliment someone’s work.
Instead say how much pleasure or insight it gave me.
- Never Naked Thank you.
Always be specific when thanking someone. Thank you for your time. Thank you for asking. Thank you for meeting me.
- Try Something New
Once a month, try new sport, go to an exhibition, hear a lecture on topic out of my field. Overtime I will accumulate the lingo across various fields.
- Ask Insider Questions
Simply ask a friend who speaks the lingo of the crowd to teach me opening questions. Dentists for example ask each other, are you following general practice or specialization?
- Speak Insider Language
When buying diamond, don’t say show me something better. Say show me something ‘finer’.
- Read Hobby / Profession Magazines
Scan interview sections. I will sound more like an insider.
- Read Dos and Taboos
Before I even land a toe in foreign soil, read dos and don’ts of the country.
- Buff for Bargains
Find several vendors, learn from all. Buy from one. Arm myself with insider language.
- Be a Copycat
Imagine the person as a dance instructor. Follow their movements.
- Echo words
Repeat their choice of nouns, verbs, prepositions, adjectives and echo them back.
- Potent Imaging
Evoke people interests and lifestyles. Give analogies around them. If the person is pilot, say ‘take off’. If the person loves gardening, say ‘sow the seeds for success’.
- Employ Empathizers
Don’t just say verbal nods (um-huh, umm). Say I see what you mean. That’s a lovely thing to say.
- Employ Anatomical Empathizers
Take one step further. For visual people, say It seems like… For auditory people, say It sounds like … For gut people, say It feels like …
- WE
Create sensation of intimacy using the words ‘we, our, us’
- Instant History
Recall some special moment I shared with the person. Find a few words to make them laugh, smile and share the feelings we two felt. Tip – Write down the person’s value, favorite item, hobby, anything that makes them distinct at the back of their business cards.
- Compliment so he overhears
A compliment that he receives is never as exciting as the one he overhears. Share the good things about him with his friends, families, colleagues.
- Carry Compliments
Nobody loves the pigeon who carries bad news. Always carry and love the pigeon who spreads positive thoughts and good news.
- Implied Magnificence
Indirectly praise the person so they don’t feel flattered.
- Compliment but be stealth
Stealthily sneak praise into the part of the conversation. Don’t try to quiz later on.
- Killer Compliment
Compliment his distinct, specific and attractive quality he or she has.
- Always Compliment
Don’t let them think Haven’t I been good to you lately? Always affirm and appreciate their work by saying Nice job! Well done! Cool!
- Compliment Straightaway
Don’t wait for the right time. Compliment as fast as possible.
- Take Compliments Well
Don’t reject the compliment. Take it well so the other person will feel welcomed to praise more. Say That’s very kind of you.
- Tomstone Game
Ask people what would they like to be engraved on their tombstone. Bury it into my memory and wait until the right moment to say I appreciate you (for their values, actions said earlier).
- Talking Gestures
When on the line, turn smiles into sound, nods into noise.
- Name Shower
A person’s name is the sweetest voice to that person. Shower the name when talking on phone. In person, use it sparingly to avoid becoming awkward.
- Smile before the Call
Let a huge smile of happiness engulf my entire face and spill over into my voice.
- Sneaky Screen
Before putting someone through, sneakily screen the caller. Oh yes I’ll put you right through. May I tell her who’s calling?
- Salute the Spouse and Secretary
Anyone who is close enough to answer the phone of CEO is close enough to influence his decisions.
- What Color is Your Time?
What Color is Your Time? Is another creative, simple way to ask “Is this a good time for you to talk?”
- Constantly change Auto-replies
No jokes. No Music. No inspirational quotes. No boasts. No bells nor whistles. Change it every day. Doesn’t have to be flawless. But be authentic and lively.
- 10s Audition
Prove I’m worthy of a callback in first 10 seconds of my message.
- Is he In?
In some cases, forget “Hi, is Bob Smith here, is he in?”. Just imply that I’m his close friend by saying “Hi, is he in?”
- I Hear Your Other Line
I hear your other line (dog barking, baby crying, spouse calling), ask whether the person has to attend. Whether he needs or not, he will appreciate me for asking.
- Instant Replay
Record all business conversations to listen to them again. There will always be subtleties I missed the first time.
- Much or Mingle
Eat before going to parties. Come to eat or come to talk, don’t do both.
- Rubberneck the Room
When arriving at the party, stop at the doorway. Then s-l-o-w-l-y survey the situation with my eyes travelling back and forth.
- Choose, don’t just be chosen
Always go around and explore every face in the room. Capture whoever or whatever I want in my life.
- Open Body Language
Use my wrists and palms to say I have nothing to like. Come talk to me. I accept you and what you’re saying
- Tracking
Like ATC, track even the tiniest details of the conversation. When I invoke the last major or minor event in anyone’s life, it creates a powerful sense of intimacy.
- Business Card Dossier
On the back of a person’s business card, write notes to remind the conversation; his favorite restaurant, sport, movie drink who he admires where he grew up a joke he told. Refer to the note in my next conversation.
- Eyeball Selling
Human body is 24/7 broadcasting station signalling You thrill me You bore me I love that aspect of your product. Use my eyes as a cameras to pick up all these signals.
- See No Bloopers Hear No Bloopers
Ignore minor spills, slips, fumbles. Big winners never gape at another’s accidental flaws.
- Lend a Helping Tongue
When someone’s interrupted, help him get back to his story Now please get back to your story. So what happened after…
- Make WIFFM WIIFY Obvious
Reveal what’s in it for me as well as the other person. Divulge the respective benefits.
- Let Them Savor the Favor
Let the relish the joy of his or her favor before I make them pay the pier (pay the cost of his favor).
- Delay before asking for Reciprocity
If someone owes me something, wait a suitable amount of time before asking them to pay back.
- Let Enemies be Friends at Parties
Leave tough talk for tougher settings. Even when sitting next to my enemies at the table, smile and nod.
- No Tough business at the Table
When eating, it’s OK to brainstorm and discuss the positive side of business. Just no tough business.
- No Serious business at Chance Encounters
Chance encounters are for chit chat. Keep the melody of my unexpected meeting sweet and light.
- Empty Their Tanks
Let people empty their feelings first. Their inner noise has to be emptied first before they start receiving my message.
- Echo the Emo.
Let them emote. Hear their facts but empathize like mad with their emotions.
- My Mistake, Your Gain
What I could do for this suffering soul so he or she will be delighted I made the mistake?
- Leave an Escape Hatch
Whenever you catch someone lying, flinching, exaggerating, distorting, or deceiving, don’t catch or correct the culprit, unless it’s my responsibility.
- Forward the compliments to their bosses
The surefire way to make people care enough is to spread their good works to their bosses.
- Lead the Listeners
No matter how big the cat is behind the podium, crouched inside is a little scardy-cat who is anxious about social acceptance. Lead the listeners in a positive reaction. Be the first to applaud or publicly commend the man or woman I agree with or want favors from.
- Courtesy Scorecards
Numbers continually fluctuate but one rule remains. Not keeping an eye on the courtesy scorecard will get me thrown out of the game. Permanently.