Ge the whole system in the room
Define Who ARE IN?
- A = Authority to act
- R = Resources such as time money
- E = Expertise in issues to be discussed
- I = Information about the topic that no others have
- N = Need to be involved because they’ll be affected by outcome
Control what you can, let go what you can’t
Exercise maximum control before the meeting
- Know your role and be clear about your role
- Clarify the purpose
- Assure participants are equal to the task
- Use subgroups to differentiate and integrate views
- Plan to have each group report to the whole
Exercise minimum control during the meeting
- Watch for fight or flight behavior
- Head off interactions that might alienate r isolate someone
- Arrange seating to fit the purpose
- Establish time management norms early
Explore the Whole Elephant
Get everyone on the same page before asking them to problem solve or decide.
Let people be responsible
People expect you as meeting elader to do most of the work. So don’t take the entire burden on yourself. Help people share responsibility by:
- Accept people as they’re, not as you want them to be
- Encourage self-management
- Contain your own hot-buttons
- Encourage dialogue
Find common ground
To get to the common ground
- Hold off proble solving until all can talk about the same world
- Get conflicts into open and then leave them there; focus on what people agree on
Master the art of subgrouping
- Ask anyone else question when someone expresses critique
- Prevent polarization in A’s and B’s by making two subgroups and let A listen to B and then B listen to A
- Listen for integrating statement
- Get everybody to differentiate their positions, use a go-around when stuck
Make friends with anxiety
- Keep breathing
- Control your own negative expectation
- Check your internal dialogue
- Arrange for people to move if they’ve been siting for a while
- Ask group what to do next
Get used to projections
We may project our hopes and fears on others making them responsible for our feelings and our fate. Others do the same to us, especially when we take leadership.
When you feel ucnofmoratble in a group, it’s probably caused by something you don’t accept in yourself. Own your feeling.
For example, this group is frustrating becomes I have a part in me being frustrated.
Be a dependable authority
Deflect direct attacks, for instance, say who else thinks…
Anytime you assume authority, people will test your dependability. Recognize dependency and let people know you’re a great leader.
Learn to say NO if you want your YES to mean something
Say No when you’re not likely to succeed and save yourself and others time and effort. But offer a better alternative to the goal. Regardless, restrain from promising more than you can deliver.