Gratitude
Gratitude is being thankful and showing appreciation for our lives.
The antidote to feeling bitter, envious, resentful, angry and so on is gratitude.
How do you practise gratitude? There are lots of different ways. I like to think of people I’m grateful for, an opportunity I have, and something tangible.
Savouring is the act of stepping outside of an experience to consciously appreciate it.
When we have things in our life to look forward to, we experience anticipatory joy. That boosts our happiness, gives our days meaning and purpose and, yes, very often things we anticipate become those we can savour once they’re over. And that’s all stuff to be grateful for.
The very best morning routine
Your mornings are precious and sacred; your willpower tank is full. It’s a chance for you to do something for yourself.
A good morning starts at night. Get a good night’s sleep in order to make the most of your mornings.
Don’t look at your phone first thing. You’ll be sucked into a digital vortex before you can even think about what you would like from your day.
Ask yourself: what would make today great?
Focus on big-picture stuff in the morning.
Energy
The happier you are, the more energy you have. And having more energy makes it easier to be happy.
To create more energy, you’ve got to do basic stuff well, like eating healthy-ish food, moving your body and making sure you get enough sleep.
Having said that, there are ways to give yourself a quick boost in energy, like doing something you enjoy, changing your body language and breathing long and slow and deep.
Kindness
Performing acts of kindness and being an overall good human make you happier.
Don’t overthink it. Helping a stranger cross the road, picking up litter, babysitting, campaigning on behalf of a charity – all of these (and many more!) are acts of kindness.
Learn how to accept kindness from others. You can absolutely crush it in multiple domains, but you can’t crush it without help and support.
While you’re shaking this kindness thing like glitter, sprinkle a little bit on yourself. It’s okay and sometimes necessary to say no!
Self-talk
Self-talk is v. important for our happiness.
The language we use to describe our experiences is also v. important. If you want to feel a certain way, use the words associated with that feeling.
Our brain has a negative bias so we naturally pay more attention to the bad stuff.
We’ve all got an inner critic. They can be mean. Rethink the words you use to describe yourself. How do they make you feel?
If you change ‘have to’ to ‘get to’, it’ll help you to appreciate your life more.
If you can’t do something, try saying ‘I can’t do this yet.’ It’ll remind you that your current situation is not your final destination.
Saying that you don’t have enough time is pretty disempowering. Try saying, ‘It’s not a priority.’
Self-love
‘Self-love’ doesn’t require you to never be self-critical or self-analytical. You can love yourself and still be embarrassed and self-conscious. Self-love is treating yourself how you’d treat your best friend, partner or kids.
Whatever makes you feel good about yourself – getting a mani-pedi, going for a surf, cooking, reading a book – is worth it and must be prioritised.
Own yourself. Because if you can’t own your challenges, if you can’t own what makes you different and unique, no one else will be able to do it for you.
Comparing yourself to others on social media or IRL can make it harder to own yourself. There’s no one in the world who’s better at being you than you! The key to short-circuiting comparison is practising gratitude for your own life.
Love
People with warm, well-functioning relationships lived longer and happier.
Relationships are built on trust.
Families are hard. We usually don’t get to pick! Try to accept yours as they are. If you find spending time with them draining, try to minimise it or make sure you have a person (or two) as an energy buffer.
Regarding your relationship/s with your significant other/s, don’t forget about you! Glorious you!
If you want a successful relationship, it’s important to accept your partner for who they are.
Money
Remember, there’s a difference between having money and ‘having money’. It’s easy to paint an illusion of wealth with credit cards and bad debt.
Money can definitely make you happy if you have enough to pay for life’s fundamental needs (food, shelter, transport), and if you’re spending it on the right things.
What are the ‘right things’? For example, new experiences, buying your time back and using your money to help others.
Purpose
We have so many options and so much choice that it can make us completely dissatisfied.
All jobs have some kind of shit in the sandwich they serve up. So it’s helpful to know what you are (and aren’t) up for when choosing what you do for work.
It’s okay if your work life isn’t perfect – there are lots of ways to feel like you have purpose and meaning, such as making progress and caring for someone (or something) else.
Stop asking yourself ‘What is my purpose?’ Instead, focus on answering questions like ‘What am I interested in?’ and ‘What do I want to know more about’?
Hard times
Hard times happen to us all.
When you’re having a bad day, it’s okay to accept it and say, ‘Today’s crap.’ Remember, all your emotions are valid. And it’s okay to not feel ‘happy’ all the time!
If you’ve gone through (or, are going through) a hard time, reframing can be a useful tool.
If you know someone who’s going through a hard time, and you have no idea what to say, you can say this: ‘I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say, but what you’re going through is tough and I’m here for you.’
Be proactive if you know someone is going through a hard time. Don’t ask open-ended questions like, ‘Is there anything I can do?’ Be specific: ‘I’ve made a pot of chicken soup – is it okay for me to drop it over tomorrow afternoon?’
Fun
It’s easy to stifle fun in favour of being more productive. But it’s important for your happiness to be able to lose yourself in something you enjoy.
A fun list can be a good way to focus on what you like doing, and can help you to break out of your routine.
Having fun is a great way to try and enjoy your life that little bit more, which in turn, will make you happier.
Goals
Goals are instrumental for our happiness. Goals = progress, and making progress in our lives helps us to be happy.
Make sure you know what you’re after, specifically, and more important, why you want it.
Forget motivation, focus on consistency.