Find your “wise mind.”
WHEN: You’re struggling with a decision, doubting yourself, or feeling tempted to ask others for unnecessary reassurance.
HOW: Giving yourself the opportunity to access your wise mind helps you find insight within you, integrating your knowledge, your emotions, and your intuition. Try each of the following exercises for a minute and see which is most helpful. Consider practicing your go-to exercise whenever you need it.
Breathe in and out, thinking wise as you inhale and mind as you exhale.
Try focusing on your breath as you naturally breathe in and out. Let your attention settle into your center, keeping your focus on your gut as you continue to breathe in and out.
Drop into the pause that naturally happens between inhaling and exhaling. Breathe in, then, at the top of your breath, notice the brief pause before you exhale. After you exhale, notice the space before you inhale.
In situations where you’re about to do something you’re not sure you should do (e.g., you’re about to cancel a commitment), ask yourself, Is this wise mind?
If you’re a visual person, you can find your wise mind by imagining a small stone slowly sinking into a beautiful, clear lake, almost as if you’re descending into the depths of wisdom within you.
WHY: Harnessing your inner wisdom can keep you focused on and hopeful about attaining your ultimate goals. We often have the answers we seek; we just need to tune in to hear them
Tapping into what we know, how we feel, and our natural intuition allows us to discern our own incredible insight and increase our trust in ourselves.
Sing your thoughts.
WHEN: You’re having trouble shifting away from thinking that exhausts and demotivates you.
HOW: Try singing your thoughts in a playful way, which will change your relationship to them and help you take them less seriously. Here are a few ways to practice:
Pick an upbeat tune and sing whatever negative thought is repeating in your head. You might sing “I’m an awkward imposter” to the tune of The Lovin’ Spoonful’s “Do You Believe in Magic” or “I’m not enough” to the tune of Rihanna’s “We Found Love” (my personal favorite tunes to shift away from sticky, negative thoughts).
Try singing a song that refers to all thoughts, such as “What are thoughts? Thoughts can’t hurt me, can’t hurt me, no more” to the tune of Haddaway’s “What Is Love.”
Check out the Songify app, which allows you to plug in your thoughts to create a silly jingle.
WHY: Roughly 80 to 99 percent of people admit to having repetitive unhelpful and negative thoughts, whether about their appearance, work, or ability to cope. Practicing cognitive defusion, which means taking thoughts less literally and seriously, reduces the frequency and believability of those thoughts, transforming them into your own inside jokes.
Turn your nightmares into dreams.
WHEN: You are experiencing nightmares that are interfering with your sleep and functioning
HOW: Take a minute to brainstorm a couple of ways to relax (e.g., find a photo of a serene spot or queue up a calming song). Spend a moment seeing if what you’ve selected actually helps you relax. Use these if you need to recharge at any point during this exercise.
Next, choose a recurring nightmare. If you have several nightmares to choose from, begin with one that feels less intense. Write down your nightmare in as much detail as possible, but change the ending to something positive—the more absurd and memorable, the better. One example: If your nightmare entails feeling panicked while standing on a high diving board with spectators staring, predicting that you’re not only about to embarrass but also gravely injure yourself, you can change the ending so that you soon lock eyes with Olympic diver Tom Daley, who gives you a thumbs-up as you bravely and gracefully submerge into the pool. Then, before you go to bed, spend a few minutes mentally rehearsing your new dream.
Going forward, if you wake up in the morning recalling that you had a nightmare, repeat this process while the bad dream is fresh in your mind.
WHY: While nightmares are clearly not your fault, they can become mental habits after a distressing life experience. But imagery rehearsal can help you gain control over your nightmares and improve sleep quality. Plus, thoughtfully approaching your recurrent nightmares when you’re awake will prove more preventative than worrying about them reoccurring.
Move your body in short, quick bursts.
WHEN: You’re feeling keyed up, frustrated, exhausted, or anxious, or you’re overthinking.
HOW: Pick an activity that you think will hold your attention—for instance, a combination of three push-ups, three squats, and three crunches. Set a timer for the amount of time you can realistically commit to, whether that’s three minutes or twenty minutes, and do as many reps as you can.
Do a round each of high knees, squat jumps, scissor jacks (like jumping jacks but with your legs going forward and backward rather than sideways), jumping lunges, and modified burpees (no push-up required).
Feel free to modify to accommodate your needs. You can put on some music to make the session more fun. If you have a fitness app you like or enough time to do a longer workout, fantastic. Alternatively, you can try more gentle forms of movement if rigorous exercise won’t work for you. If your mind wanders to whatever you’re stressed about, bring yourself back to the activity as often as you need to without judging yourself.
WHY: When your body is full of anxious energy, a quick cardio session can help dispel it. Plus, we know that regular exercise significantly decreases stress, depression, and anxiety, not to mention that it’s good for your body and heart. In one study, twelve minutes of intense exercise created widespread improvements related to cardiovascular health and stress.
Adopt a half smile.
WHEN: You want to immediately improve your ability to accept what is rather than raging against it.
HOW: Start by relaxing your face, neck, and shoulders. Imagine softening the space around your eyes, as if you’re erasing tension between your eyebrows. Ever so slightly raise the upper corners of your lips into a half smile (which may look more like a quarter of a smile). This will release tension in your forehead and jaw. Your face should feel tranquil—not like you’re posing in front of a camera and saying “cheese!” Feel free to look in the mirror to check your expression; you should look as if you’re peacefully smiling with your eyes. Practice your half smile during an activity where you may feel on edge, such as sitting in traffic or walking into a party by yourself.
WHY: Half smiling is something a lot of therapists try to practice most of the time. This reset is grounded in the facial feedback hypothesis, the theory that our face influences our emotional states. Noticing your expression and turning up the corners of your mouth ever so slightly offer a nice inroad to beginning to improve how you feel. In a study with 3,800 participants in nineteen countries led by Dr. Nicholas Coles at Stanford University, people who altered their facial expressions to appear happier felt more frequent and stronger positive emotions as a result.
Keep in mind that half smiling isn’t about faking it. It’s for you, not a way to acquiesce to others. Still, relaxing your face from a sulk to a half smile will also put others at ease
Comfort yourself with touch.
WHEN: You just need a hug.
HOW: Start by taking a couple of deep breaths and concentrating on the warm air you are breathing and the pressure of your hands resting on your lap. Then place your right hand on the left side of your chest, above your heart, and your left hand on your belly, for twenty seconds.
WHY: Skin-to-skin contact is a profound source of comfort to us from the moment we’re born. Frequent hugging reduces blood pressure, heart rate, and cortisol levels, even improving immunity. If someone is around to give you a hug, you can shamelessly ask for one (it can feel nicer than receiving unwanted advice). But if no one is around, you can still benefit from the power of gentle touch. In one study, participants were exposed to stressful tasks, including being asked to give a short speech and counting backward from 2,043 in increments of 17. Next, each person was assigned to either receive a hug from a research assistant, practice the hand-on-heart technique, or build a paper airplane. Both the hug and the hand on the heart—a risk-free and always available act of self-compassion—were found to rapidly reduce cortisol levels.