In the Little Book of Big Lies, Tina guides on your journey of self-discovery by asking you 11 big questions that if you take the time to be brutally honest with yourself, change the way you think about your life, and live with more self-compassion.
Are you thinking some pain lasts forever?
The word ‘forever’ sends the message that nothing can be done, no matter what you try. In this state of mind, forever doesn’t change. You’re stuck with whatever life throws at you. But if you switch ‘forever’ to ‘up until now’ or ‘from this point forward’, it makes a sudden difference. It opens a door where hope has been lost. It conditions your thinking and your thinking affects everything else. “This addiction causes me and my family great pain up until now.” “I will not let any drugs or addictions hold me back from this point forward.”
Remember everyone is multifaceted. Each of us has been through dark and light, strong and insecure, capable and lost. If your negative thought on someone creeps in, ask yourself “Who would I be if I had worn his shoes?”. That way, you can live your life through love, compassion and understanding.
Are you living life thinking something’s wrong or against you?
Your fantasy stress, in other words your made-up stress, have the same impact on your nervous system as with the real stress. The reason is your mind can’t distinguish between the two. So, if you want to stop beating your nervous system, stop thinking something’s wrong or against you. When you stop taking things personal and you’ll stop fantasizing stress. If you think that there’s something wrong with your life, remember life is showing up the way it shows up to everyone.
Are you bullied by personal trauma?
Our brains are never fixed. Studies after studies have shown that our brains can develop at any age. Put it another way, we are capable of growing no matter when and where we are in life. So, use growth mindset to your advantage. People who live with growth mindset not only are more productive, they also live longer and happier than people with fixed mindset.
Are you tired of being knocked down by the old patterns?
There’s more to life than you will ever see. Of course, you can always stretch yourself to see more but the truth is you will never see everything. If you’re tired of being knocked down by the old patterns, get out of the status quo. It’s as simple as that. If you do that and stretch yourself to your highest capabilities, you’ll be surprised by what you can accomplish.
Do you think your feelings don’t matter?
Your feelings matter. Your feelings may not always tell the truth but they definitely deserve a consideration. And when you mess things up, the person inside deserves your “I’m sorry”. One sincere self-directed apology is all it takes to ignite the love affair inside you and move past your negative feelings.
If someone makes you feel how you feel, tell them how you feel. Unaddressed feelings hurt. But when all is said and done, remember no one can make you feel how you feel.
What do you mean when you say “I can’t”?
Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re equally right. And chances are when you say “I can’t”, you’re avoiding a deeper truth. A lot of the times “I can’t” really means “I choose not to..”.
Whenever you think you can’t, fill in the blank “I can’t really means _______.”
What do you mean when you say “I’m upset because…”
“I’m upset because you’re not listening to me.” means I believe you are making me upset. We attribute our negative feelings to the outside force. As long as we think the problem is out there, we’ll never get to the root of the problem. Realize that no matter where your feelings come from, they are created by you and live within you. It’s your choice to let them stay and suffer or let them go and be free.
What if your ‘one day’ starts today?
Human brains are wired to procrastinate by waiting for one day when life is all of a sudden better. There’s only one problem with that instinct – it’s a plan for disaster. To get to that one day, you must start investing in today.
What is real confidence?
“I’m insecure” is an inaccurate statement. Why? Our feelings are not our realities. We are more than our passing feelings. “I feel insecure” sounds more accurate.
Is there really such thing as “I had done with that.”?
Our events in life are hardly one-off events. They will almost always rebound, especially if you don’t fix the root cause. We’re never really done with our problems. The solution of one problem is merely the creation of another. So, embrace it and take the recurring events as an opportunity to change.
Do your circumstances boss you around?
There’s no circumstance bigger than the infinite self that lives within you. Adding “How can I” to the front of each statement, doubt, problem makes all the difference.
“How can I disconnect from the lies I’ve been telling myself?”
“How can I realize my value and true worth?”
“How can I feel safe, secure and heard in my own skin?”