Power Shift
Power is different. It’s more of an external, relational force, situated in the worlds of domestic life, work, and society. But there are things you can do right now, on your own, and with others, to gain more power, to recognize the power you already have, and, ultimately, to change the way you and others understand and use power.
If you’re at the top you can change what power looks and feels like in your organization. It’s what you can do to help get more women into power and what you can do to enjoy your own power. For women who are still eyeing that daunting climb and wondering how on earth you can ever get to the top in a world where power seems both impossible and, frankly, unappealing. Sometimes you have to work within the existing power hierarchies; sometimes you can tweak them on your way up.
But, whatever your position, you can keep your eye on a new, more intuitive, authentic version of power—a power to do something meaningful, whatever that may look like. A power that is more joy, less ego.
Take Notice
Open your eyes to the different ways people use power. It isn’t one size fits all. Once you start to notice, you’ll see the distinctions everywhere—from everyday interactions to the highest levels of the power hierarchy. Pay particular attention to how power impacts people who’ve traditionally been excluded from it, and how they are changing the way power is wielded today. “Noticing” may have a trivial ring, but, in fact, neuroscientific research shows that our focus—turning our attention to things—is one of the most powerful things we can do to change our behavior.
Flip the narrative. Imagine what you could do with power. Multiple studies show that women are more motivated to take risks, do hard things—on behalf of others, or causes. This may be why power to feels better to. Test it out. If you were in a position to make change—to get three incredible things done—what would those be? Now notice—how do you feel? Does the “why” of power help?
The Power (and Joy) of Having Power
Get personal. One way you can encourage others in your organization to flip the switch and see employees’ personal lives as an asset is to ask about them themselves. Keeping it simple and casual helps to normalize the conversation. “Peter, how’s your son’s new school going?” or “Mary, how’s the marathon training?” are easy openers. Remember Cynt’s success with this—when you bring the outside world into the work world, you are demonstrating that being a whole, rich, human being is not just okay with you; it’s something to celebrate. Showing care and concern for colleagues and employees doesn’t make you look weak; it conveys your values (relates to theirs) and deepens connections.
Power share. Power isn’t finite—someone else’s success doesn’t diminish yours. So go ahead: celebrate the successes of other people. That will help promote the collective nature of power—as Minton Beddoes says, it’s not about you, it’s about the team. Find opportunities to hand out credit—it will have a ripple effect across the group, affirming a culture of power sharing rather than power grabbing. And delegate, don’t micromanage. There’s science to show it works. When employees feel empowered, it boosts productivity, satisfaction, and feelings of being able to be authentic to themselves by up to 26 percent. The more free range they are afforded, the more powerful they feel, and the more productive they are.
Stamp out fear. As Kristalina Georgieva says, fear has no place in leadership. It might create a short-term blip, but it won’t increase retention or long-term performance. Amy Edmondson’s book The Fearless Organization makes a distinction between having high standards (a good thing) and having employees who don’t feel they can speak up or have their opinions heard (a bad thing). Creating a fearless organization starts with exorcizing bad behavior. Lead by example—if you don’t yell, you’re setting a clear standard. If you’re in a position of influence, go further: ban yelling, bad language, and aggression when you see it in others. A simple “Andrew, nobody here is hard of hearing, you don’t need to yell to make your point” could do. If you need to make a stronger impression, raise it one-on-one. “John, you’re a brilliant accountant, but this organization does not tolerate bad behavior. You won’t make management here if you don’t treat people with respect.”
The return on respect. When your employees don’t feel they matter, it costs your organization. Research suggests that respect from leadership is the number one driver of commitment and engagement from employees. The simple act of being treated with respect is more important to engagement (and therefore productivity) than having a clear vision, being given feedback, or getting development and learning opportunities. It’s a pretty clear formula: people who feel respected work better, produce more, and quit less. Showing respect isn’t hard, and maybe you do it automatically, but it is worth being conscious of.
Be authentic. Your associates will know if you’re faking respect. Be patient. Don’t interrupt or speak over your colleagues. Ask for opinions and really take time to listen to your coworkers and think about their input. Don’t confuse respect with lowering standards. You can and should expect quality performance while respecting your employees. Indeed, demanding high standards shows that you know they are capable of the best and that you respect their abilities. Conversely, if your boss is, respectfully, demanding a high standard of you, don’t take offense. It shows they know you have the ability to perform well.
Your Brain on Power
Make power priming a habit. Because power can have reinforcing benefits, putting yourself in a position to have some of it on a regular basis can make a difference to your life as a whole. Social psychologist Pamela Smith, who teaches at the University of California, San Diego, says the roles we have can change our basic cognitive processes.
She’s found that when people are assigned to managerial roles, whether in a real organization or a simulated one, they are more likely to act decisively, take risks, and think optimistically. If you have opportunities to wield power at work, take them. Even if you haven’t been eager, maybe these power benefits will convince you it’s worth a try.
If you are in a powerful role already, pay attention to any behavioral benefits you are feeling—that might help counter any stress that comes with having more authority. If you don’t feel you have much power at work, look for a role outside of work in which you can take the lead. It might be a volunteer opportunity in your local school or church. Once you start feeling power in that role, you’ll be in a better position to take on power at work.
Pointless Perfection and Other Burdensome Biases
When they want you to be perfect. In a way, your internal battle with perfectionism is the easy bit. You still need to overcome the system’s unfair expectations that all women must be exceptional. But there are ways you can help yourself do that, too. Cut yourself some slack and recognize that there is indeed a double standard. Even this knowledge can reduce some of the pressure you put on yourself. And remember that the playbook for perfection was written by white men, for white men, over centuries, but that doesn’t mean it’s the gospel truth.
Enjoy the fruits of your hard work. (Remember, there’s joy in power!) When you have success, tell your boss about it. That’s how you’ll get the full benefit of all those hours toiling away. Women are more prone to underselling their achievements than overselling them—so don’t worry about bragging. Promoting yourself will change perceptions of you. Do not allow your employer’s “perfect woman syndrome” to become your own. You will never be perfect. There. Now give up trying Once you embrace good enough, it is fantastically liberating. Those extra two hours noodling on that report? Spend them sleeping, exercising, or just watching TV instead.
Pots and Pans and Power
Time codes. As several marriage therapists have suggested, until you and your partner can agree on how much more labor (of every type) you are doing, you won’t be able to have a productive conversation about how to change the imbalance so that you can gain more time for work outside the home. So sit down with your spouse, agree on the parameters of different household and child-related tasks, including the cognitive labor of anticipation and planning, and spend one week each making a careful note of everything you do every day. Once you both have a written list, you can get to work on distributing the labor more fairly. Remember: “make dinner” isn’t just cooking the food; it’s planning, checking the pantry, and shopping, too. Oh, and now mindful of the fun of fun, perhaps add some “fun time” planning as a category as well. If we aren’t doing it, we should be!
Delegate, don’t diss. Whatever chores your partner chooses, let’s say the laundry, remember this: if you criticize the way the towels are folded, you’re just undermining their efforts. There’s a difference between useful input and being unnecessarily picky. As you transition to a more equitable distribution of labor, some things won’t get done the way you might like. Your job is to live with that and cede control. If you have kids or are starting a family, get into this habit from day one. Your husband prepares the bottle, changes his first diaper, makes the baby food. Excellent. Telling him he’s doing it all wrong is the best way to stop him from doing it next time. You’re just setting yourself up for more work. Think of it in corporate terms: if you delegate a job to a team member, then you need to let them get on with it. It’s a form of respect. Sure, you can review the process, but you won’t get very far as a manager if you endlessly critique and micromanage someone’s work.