THE TRUTH ABOUT MEN: WHAT MEN AND WOMEN NEED TO KNOW
Many men have bought into a false idea of what it means to be a man. This false idea leads to feelings of entitlement, and that contributes to chauvinistic behavior that is detrimental to men, and especially to women.
Men, this book will give you the road map for how to unleash the Master within. It will help you become the man you were created to be, and give you the help you need to claim victory in every area of your life.
Women, this book will give you insight into men and give you a look behind the veil of manhood. With knowledge there is tremendous power, and this book will give you real-time understanding on navigating your personal and professional relationships with men more effectively.
This book is to be used as a conversation and communication starter. Men and women spend too much time talking at one another and not enough time talking with one another.
FOR MEN: ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THE DOG?
There are telltale signs that show whether the Dog or Master is in control.
This is an assessment that will show you where you are today. Answer yes or no to these questions to discover whether you’re more Dog or Master right now.
- If you’re single: When you go out on a date, is sex your only objective?
- If you’re single: Would you or have you stopped dating a woman because she wanted to wait until marriage for sex?
- If you’re single: Do you intentionally keep the women you’re dating from finding out about each other?
- If you’re single: Do you regularly have one-night stands?
- Married or Single: Have you cheated or are you currently cheating on your spouse or girlfriend?
- Married or Single: Do you watch pornography regularly?
- Married or Single: Do you make excuses for buddies who harass or cheat?
- Married or Single: Are you primarily focused on making money more than anything else?
- Married or Single: Do you portray an image in front of other men just to be accepted?
If you answered Yes to more than one of these questions, the Dog is loose.
FOR WOMEN: ARE YOU DEALING WITH THE DOG?
- If you’re single: When you go out on a date, is sex your date’s main objective?
- If you’re single: Has someone stopped dating you because you wanted to wait for sex until marriage?
- If you’re single: Does the man you’re dating give you vague answers every time you ask direct questions?
- If you’re single: Do you regularly have one-night stands?
- Married or Single: Do you suspect your spouse or boyfriend is currently cheating on you?
- Married or Single: Does the man you’re with watch pornography regularly?
- Married or Single: Does the man you’re with hang out with other men who are known harassers or cheaters?
- Married or Single: Is the man you’re with primarily focused on making money more than anything else?
- Married or Single: Do you see the man you’re with portray an image in front of other men just to be accepted that’s different from the image he portrays in front of you?
If you answered Yes to more than one of these questions, you are dealing with the Dog more than you are dealing with the Master.
One of the keys to success is acceptance. Accept the Dog. It’s important for a man to accept that no matter how faithful or well-intentioned he might be, there is still a Dog inside of him. There’s no getting rid of it, no leaving it at the Humane Society after hours in a box with “Please take care of this good boy” scrawled on it with a Sharpie. There is an eternal war going on in every man between the Master and the Dog—between our higher self and our lower, animal self—and no man is an exception, including me.
It can be difficult for some men to accept that we all have a Dog. Remember, the Dog is just a metaphor for lust. For some, admitting they have a lust problem feels like the equivalent of admitting that you have an STD or some other embarrassing condition they don’t want anyone to know about. But remaining in denial can lead to potential peril, as we’ve already seen. Denial is a psychological trick that has dire consequences. Remember, the Dog that isn’t acknowledged will act out and get the attention it is seeking one way or another, maybe even turning into the Beast.
Yes, acceptance can be scary. With acceptance comes vulnerability and responsibility. It’s terrifying for men to admit that there’s something inside us waging a war against the man we aspire to be. However, I encourage acceptance because doing so will help any man embrace the need for personal responsibility. Anything we accept, we have to take responsibility for dealing with. Accept the Dog so it can be dealt with, instead of letting it deal with you.
Anything that we suppress eventually gets expressed in unhealthy ways.
Not admitting to and confronting problems robs us of the ability to solve them. That can lead to explosions of desperate, often destructive, action. Suppressing a feeling is like noticing a leak in your roof but refusing to repair it. Eventually, what was just a few drops that could have been fixed becomes a flood that collapses your roof.
Master The Dog
To gain a dog’s respect, you have to teach it what is expected and be consistent in expecting it; these are essential for gaining respect and obedience. In “Fifteen Steps to Becoming the Pack Leader,” renowned dog trainer Graham Bloem says, “It is the combined effort of learned behaviors and sound leadership that will create lasting results and a great relationship of love and mutual respect.”
In other words, there’s a distinct difference between being a dog owner and a dog master. An owner wants respect, and often doesn’t get it. A master earns it. A master earns that respect through love. When a dog owner loves their dog enough to discipline it, then that is when true respect is achieved.
This same idea is at work in every man. Every man has a Dog and a Master within. As the Dog represents lust, yet the Master represents the love in men. Just as a master commands and controls a real dog through discipline, confidence, and love, the Master in men has the power to control the Dog by the same means. However, just because there is a Master in men, that doesn’t automatically make a man a Master. Think of the difference between being a male and being a man. Anatomically there are billions of males on the planet, yet not every male takes on the responsibility of manhood. There are plenty of males who are trapped in boyhood. What’s the difference between a boy and a man? The same difference between a dog and its master: leadership.
Being a man requires becoming a leader on a personal level. Just because a man is a great leader professionally doesn’t make him a great leader personally. There have been many books written about male leadership and how to succeed professionally, yet true success starts within and begins with commitment, communication, determination, and courage. In our society, we overemphasize external success, and many of us have fallen into the trap of thinking that’s all that matters. This thinking has led many men and women into massive failure. Focusing on external development at the expense of internal development is a recipe for disaster.
There are many ways a man can tap into his inner Master, but it all starts with taking personal leadership. A dog owner who wants to become a master has to learn to take leadership of their dog by projecting confidence, establishing authority, teaching commands, and asserting control. In the same way, any man who aspires to Mastery must also do the same within himself.
The Master’s Pledge
- I pledge not to blame women for my actions. Women are never at fault when I lose control of the Dog. Nothing a woman wears, says, drinks, or does is an excuse for improper touching, remarks, or sexual behavior. Ever.
- I pledge to never harass a woman. Period.
- I pledge to stop looking the other way. If I witness a friend or colleague harassing a woman, I will say something.
- I pledge to stop making excuses for times when I behave badly. It’s not the culture, peer pressure, porn, alcohol, or anything else. It’s me.
- I pledge to confess my sins, apologize to whom I have offended, and live every day to make it right.
- I pledge to take a woman’s “No” for an answer. No means no, period. It doesn’t mean “Maybe.” It doesn’t mean “Try harder.”
- I pledge to quit acting like my manhood is an entitlement for sex. It’s not.
- I pledge to get the help I need if I struggle with anger or violence. I have to break the cycle of physical, psychological, and emotional abuse among men.
- I pledge to change my routine. If there’s any part of my routine that makes me vulnerable to being less than I know I can be, I must change it.
- I pledge to take accountability for who I am and what I do. What I will be I am now becoming.