Reflect on your talents and strengths.
People stumble over themselves for many reasons. Your talents and strengths are a potential source of self-deception. The talents and strengths you have can deceive you when you lack self-awareness. Talents and strengths you think you have, but don’t, also deceive you. Self-deception blocks your most meaningful contribution.
Make a long list of your talents, strengths, skills, and aptitudes.
These are things that make your eyes go bright. Gallup defines talents as “recurring patterns of thought, feeling, or behavior that can be productively applied.” You were born with talent. A talent is something that comes to you naturally. Gallup states that strengths, on the other hand, are “the ability to provide near-perfect performance in a specific activity.”
Recognize and respect your talents. Develop your strengths. A person who is self-aware knows their talents and strengths. Don’t worry about getting your list of talents, strengths, skills, and aptitudes exactly right. You’ll modify it as time passes. Set aside a few minutes and begin your list. Revisit the list at least once a day for the next five days.
You might challenge yourself to reflect on the contributions you currently make when you bring your best self to your family, friends, and colleagues. What contributions do these abilities and aptitudes enable you to make? What contributions do you aspire to make based on these qualities and behaviors?
Consider your impact on the people around you.
Step One: Make a list of the people with whom you most frequently interact. With each specific person in mind, ask yourself these questions: 1.How does this person respond to me when I think I’m at my best? 2.What am I doing when this person’s response to me is surprise, disappointment, or joy?
Create the following sentence for each person on your list: [Mary] thinks I’m really good at __________________________. If you can, complete the sentence with three things. If you want to stretch yourself, include the word “admire.” [Mary] admires my ability to __________________________. Don’t show your sentences to anyone. This is just for you.
Step Two: Go to the people on your list and ask them to tell you what they think you are good at. In private, compare your list to theirs. What do you observe? If you find discrepancies, perhaps it’s time to wipe the fog from your mirror. If you see consistencies, how can you better use your positive qualities and behaviors to maximize your contribution to others?
Step Three: Complete the following sentence for each person on your list. If you can, complete the sentence with two or more items: If [Mary] revealed a way that I’m holding myself back, she would say
__________________________. You know what’s next. Go to each person on your list and ask them how you might be holding yourself back. If you’re feeling brave, ask them for specific behaviors you could practice that would propel you forward.
Include others in your process.
Use the list of people you made for project three to record the top three talents, skills, or strengths of each person on your team. What do you admire about them? How might you help them move toward their best selves?
People who learn to help others can learn to help themselves if they practice self-reflection. How would you like to help others maximize their talent? How would you help people avoid stumbling over themselves? How might this outward perspective expand your thinking about yourself?
It’s dangerous to walk the path of self-discovery alone. You might think self-reflection and self-awareness are best practiced in isolation. We see ourselves more clearly when we include others in the process. When we don’t, when we reflect purely on our own, apart from others, the problem of self-deception is inevitable. You may not be as out of touch but you’re still confused if you don’t see yourself through others’ eyes.
Reflect on the problems you face.
Life is filled with problems. Some people like to call them “challenges,” nasty nagging issues that tend to beat you down and make you feel weak.
Problems contain within them the potential of personal transformation. Problems always change you. They sometimes narrow your focus and solidify your existing outlook. But, if you leverage them, the world grows wider, and you develop openness. Problems change the way you think about yourself, others, and the world.
The following self-reflection is designed to help you get the most out of problems. Please don’t think of it as a problem-solving strategy. It’s a strategy for growing through problems. Bring a problem to mind, something that tightens your stomach. That pit in your stomach is responsibility. If you didn’t feel responsible, you wouldn’t care.
1.List the aspects of this situation that are within your control. 2.What uncomfortable truths—about yourself—come to mind when you reflect on this problem? 3.Who comes to mind when you tell yourself, I might want to talk with . . . ? 4.Who or what are you blaming for this problem? How is blame helping you? Harming you? 5.Imagine this problem had good intentions and a voice: Who is this problem calling you to become?
Four reminders: 1.Problems remind us we aren’t the center of the universe. 2.Problems make us hungry. 3.The strongest approach to a problem is curiosity. 4.“Why me?” thinking is the voice of entitlement.
The final application of this self-reflection is listing the behaviors and attitudes that serve you while grappling with this problem.
Final Thoughts
Looking inward to reflect is necessary for self-awareness and growth. But constantly thinking about yourself is like pouring poison in your own well. Here is the difference between self-reflection and self-absorption: the former is liberating; the latter imprisons by creating self-inflicted anxiety
Self-reflection: 1.Reveals who you are. 2.Empowers healthy decision-making. 3.Exposes negative patterns before they become destructive habits. 4.Enables useful service. 5.Maximizes joyful contribution. 6.Enables you to escape unhealthy navel-gazing.
The purpose of self-reflection is to expand your capacity to serve.
Self-absorption: 1.Replaces self-reflection by focusing on what’s happening to you. 2.Weakens decision-making skills. 3.Reinforces negative patterns until they become destructive habits. 4.Undermines ability to perform useful service. 5.Prevents joyful contribution.
You stumble over yourself when you believe you’re the center of the universe. A person absorbed with themself feels frustrated and offended when you don’t focus on them. Healthy leaders think, “It’s all about others.”
Turn inward so you can turn outward. Turning inward is a means to an end, not an end in itself. Self-reflection makes growth possible and contribution meaningful.