The Wrong Songs
Think about what music does to a simple TikTok video. One popular meme involved placing a misquoted line from a Sam Smith song that says “By the way, she’s safe with me” onto a video of your boyfriend, girlfriend, or even your dog. It was meant to change a simple clip of someone walking down the beach into a statement piece essentially saying, “You hurt this person in the past, but now she’s safe with me.” A single lyric changes the mood from a casual video into a complex, emotionally charged, baggage-heavy scene about rescue and redemption. That’s just one example. It feels like half of going viral on TikTok is finding the right song or sound.
Soundtracks change everything, and that’s how your thoughts work too. The loudest thoughts you have—the ones you might have listened to for years—never just stay thoughts. They always turn into actions, and those actions turn into results.
If you tell yourself a thousand times that you won’t make the soccer team, guess what happens? You don’t try out for the soccer team. If you don’t try out, guess what result you get? You don’t make the soccer team. Your thought turned into an action that turned into a result.
“None of your friends really like you. They’re just being nice.” “You’re not skinny enough, despite how much you work out.” “You’re worthless.” “You will fail your future family because your parents failed theirs.” Those are broken soundtracks, repetitive thoughts that make life harder, not easier. But how do you know if you have one? If the first step to tapping into the superpower of mindset is to retire your broken soundtracks, how do you even identify one?
How to Spot a Broken Soundtrack
Step 1: Write down a goal. It can be anything. It could be big, like “I want to get into Princeton” or “I wish my parents would get back together.” It could be small, like “I want to visit the beach this summer” or “I want to get a dog.” It could be somewhere in between, like “I want to have a friend I can trust.” Write down anything you’d like to be true in your life.
Step 2: Listen to the first thoughts you have. What were the very first thoughts you heard when you wrote down that goal? Were they encouraging? Maybe you heard something like “You should do that! You’d be great at doing that. You’re the best age to do something like that. People are going to support that goal.” Or were your soundtracks just the opposite? Maybe they sounded like, “Who are you to do that? You could never do that. You’re too young. That will never work.”
Listen to your reaction, because every reaction is an education. Your reaction is trying to teach you about the way you think. If your reaction is positive, that’s great. You’ve got the kind of soundtracks everyone wants to listen to. You should listen to those as often as you can because they’re so encouraging. If your reaction is negative, that’s great too, because now you’ve got something to work with. Changing the story you tell yourself about yourself is a process.
You don’t have to do it all at once. You don’t have to do it overnight. You don’t even have to deal with all your thoughts. You have thousands of thoughts every day! Who has time to work through all of that? I don’t. So instead, we’re going to keep it simple. All we’re going to do is ask our loudest soundtracks three questions so that we can retire them.
QUESTION 1: Is It True?
Is the story you’re telling yourself about yourself—about a situation, about a friend, about anything—true? One of the greatest mistakes you can make is assuming that all your thoughts are true. Despite the lies our thoughts have told us over and over again, we tend to believe that if we think something, it must be true. If it’s in our head, it must be fact. But what if it’s not?
“I’ll never learn algebra.” “Everyone has a phone except me.” “I’ll always feel lonely.” Words like never, everyone, always, entire, and only are usually not true. It might take you a year or maybe even two, but eventually you’ll learn algebra. You’re not the only one who doesn’t have a phone. Someone else at your school doesn’t have one, and they might not even have Instagram or Snapchat because it isn’t Christmas yet!
Feelings change every day, sometimes by the hour. You won’t always feel lonely. You and I won’t always be any one thing, because we’re constantly changing. Don’t let absolute soundtracks like always and never sneak into your life. They tend to be absolute lies. “Is it true?” is the first question you should always ask a broken soundtrack.
QUESTION 2: Is It Helpful?
The question “Is it true?” isn’t enough to expose the lie in a broken soundtrack. That’s why it’s so frustrating when someone says, “Stop overthinking that situation—it isn’t true!”
You might know logically that you’re not the only guy who doesn’t own an Xbox or that your entire life won’t fall apart if all your friends make varsity and you’re stuck on JV, but both of those things feel true in the moment. That’s why we need to ask a second question: Is it helpful? Is the soundtrack you have on repeat right now helpful? When you listen to it, do you feel encouraged or discouraged? Do you feel energized or drained? Does it inspire you to make good decisions or bad decisions?
As soon as you start asking this second question, you’re going to be surprised to discover how many situations you’re putting yourself in that aren’t helpful. Start with “Is it true?” Then ask “Is it helpful?” And then move on to the easiest of the three questions.
QUESTION 3: Is It Kind?
All three of these questions are simple, but this one might be the simplest: Is it kind? Is the soundtrack you’re listening to kind to yourself? Another way to say it is, “If you said this to a friend, would they still want to be your friend?” That’s an easy one to answer yes or no to, right?
If you texted your friend 100 times in one night saying, “You’ll never pass this class, you’ll never pass this class, you’ll never pass this class,” would she still want to be your friend? Nope. Who wants friends like that?
So, if you wouldn’t say it to a friend, why are you saying it to yourself? Why is the meanest person we’ve ever met often ourselves? You spend more time with you than anyone else. And if you’re not kind to you, it’s like hanging out with a jerk all day. The story you tell yourself about yourself is the story you’ll hear more than any other in your entire life. Even more than Harry Potter.
Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind? Those are the three questions you should ask your loudest soundtracks. If you can’t answer yes to all of them, then it’s time to retire that broken soundtrack.
Your New Soundtrack
These are seven soundtracks that will help you start to build your new playlist regardless of your unique life situation
SOUNDTRACK 1: Enough Is a Myth
Every time you hear the word enough pop into your head, tell yourself, “Enough is a myth.” Don’t chase it. Don’t give it your valuable time, energy, or creativity. Don’t let the lie of enough distract you from a soundtrack that’s true and a whole lot more fun: “I’m the best at being me.” You are. Even if you don’t feel like it sometimes, you’re the best you because you’re the only you. There are 7 billion people on the planet and there’s only one you.
Am I perfect? Nope. Do I have it all figured out? Of course not. Am I a continual work in progress? Without a doubt. But working on myself patiently is a lot different from running after enough. Why? Because progress is possible, but enough is a myth.
SOUNDTRACK 2: I’m Capable of More Than I Think
Despite what fear tells you, there’s no telling how many amazing things you’re really capable of.
Your “fake positivity meter” should be going off right now. Maybe the soundtrack “You’re capable of more than you think” sounds an awful lot like “You can be anything you want in life.” That one is fun to say, but unfortunately it’s not true.
You get to be you. You get to be 100 percent you. And that person is capable of more than you think. The next time fear tries to limit you, press play on that soundtrack. You’ve got a whole soccer field of life to explore—never settle for a postage stamp. You’re capable of more than you think.
SOUNDTRACK 3: Be Brave Enough to Be Bad at Something New
That simple sentence will save you from weeks of frustration. It will free you from internal judgment that demands instant perfection. It will give you the ability to learn new things without the kind of impossible expectations that get in the way.
SOUNDTRACK 4: Fear Gets a Voice, Not a Vote
You’re going to do new things. A lot of them! You’ll make new friends. Take new classes. Try new hobbies. Move to new cities. Visit new colleges. Date new people. Get new jobs. I don’t know if you’re Gen Z or Y or whatever the latest term is, but what we should all really be called is “Generation New.” People our age are going to do more new things in a month than our parents do in an entire year!
Don’t miss that because fear tries to shut things down before they even get started. That’s why it’s so important to tap into the superpower of mindset right now. And it’s a lot easier to do that when you remember: Fear gets a voice, not a vote.
SOUNDTRACK 5: I’m Just Getting Started!
We’re just getting started! You’ve got your entire life ahead of you. Don’t let the lie that it’s too late steal that from you. Whisper it if you must. Write it quietly on a piece of paper and stick it on your bathroom mirror if that helps. But for the moments when you feel like you’ve blown it, like you’ve missed your window or made some mistake you can never come back from, don’t be afraid to get a little loud. Tell yourself the truth. I’m just getting started!
SOUNDTRACK 6: People in the Game Always Get Criticized by People in the Stands
Most people don’t make it this far in books. Most students don’t read books about changing their mindset. Most people don’t dare to be anything but average. But we’re not most people. The game is waiting for someone just like you. When you join it, don’t worry about a little criticism. Just remember: People in the game always get criticized by people in the stands.
SOUNDTRACK 7: Everyone Feels Like This
We feel all the things, which is fine, but then we think we’re the only one who does. We assume it’s just us. None of our friends feel like this. They’ve got it all together. They’ve got it all figured out. We’re the only ones with a hurricane of emotions. Only we’re not.
Everyone feels like this. Not just you. Not just a handful of students in your neighborhood. Not just a few of your friends. Everyone. And here’s the best news—and a bonus new soundtrack for you: feelings aren’t forever. Add that one to the list of new soundtracks you say. Feelings aren’t forever. They usually aren’t even for a whole day. Did you ever feel different at the end of the day than you did at the beginning? Did you ever feel different hour to hour or maybe even minute to minute? That’s because feelings aren’t forever.
The next time some broken soundtrack tries to tell you that you’re the only one, don’t listen. Retire that thought, replace it with the truth, and repeat it so often that it becomes automatic.